This is meant to be a quick memory, not the other meaning of a quickie - get your mind out of the gutter!
For as long as I can remember, your celebrity crush was Halle Berry. Occasionally, you mentioned that you thought Sarah Jessica Parker was cute, but for the most part you were into Halle and only Halle. Generations of actresses came and went, but you stayed true to Ms. Berry.
It's almost as if you never saw a new movie after whatever it was that made you fall for Halle in the first place. But you had seen new movies - lots and lots of them. Going to the movies was something you and Mom loved to do. Despite your overall quick wit and sharp mind, you either could not or would not remember a movie for longer than, say, a day or so after you'd seen it. You would constantly claim not to have seen things that you had seen. A common refrain I heard Mom say to you was "yes, you saw that Joe." No I didn't, you would insist. Ultimately, after various descriptions of the plot, who was in it, where you saw it, etc., you would eventually come around and admit that yes, in fact, you had indeed seen that movie.
But I digress. The point is, you had ample opportunity to develop crushes on movie stars who were not Halle Berry, but you never did -- or at least you never vocalized them. So it came as a great shock to us all when you announced that Halle was out. I think you even used that phrase, Halle is out. Who was going to replace her?? Jennifer Lawrence. Um, she's a little young, isn't she? We complained.
It was the only time in my entire life I thought you were being just the tiniest bit creepy -- I didn't like that your crush was a decade younger than me. But you were as fiercely loyal to Jennifer Lawrence as you once had been to the now fallen Halle Berry. And so we accepted Jennifer as your new celebrity girlfriend.
And then, one day, you announced that Jennifer was out and Halle was back in. Why had you change your mind? Well, Jennifer Lawrence really is a bit young for me, you explained. But you hadn't just then noted the fifty years you had on her. There was something else that had changed your mind, and I wanted to know what is was, so I pressed.
Eventually you admitted that you didn't like some of the things she had said in public. You wouldn't elaborate. This was all very surprising - when on earth had you heard her say anything in public? It's not as if you watched entertainment shows on TV or read gossip magazines. And what had young Jennifer said that was so offensive?
Well, Dad, I just googled it. I had a vague memory that it had something to do with the Oscars, and I'm certain I just found exactly what it was that had turned you off your young crush. Apparently, Jennifer reportedly acted "crass" and "vulgar" after her Oscar win. Even going so far as to drop the "F-bomb." It does not surprise me in the least that Jennifer got the boot after this kind of behavior.
You greatly valued propriety and a sense of decorum, to the point that you recently told me to stop fidgeting with my necklace because it was "unprofessional." I looked at you quizzically -- why did I have to act professionally when I was sitting in your kitchen in my pajamas, not leading a conference? It wasn't even worth asking, though. There was a way that you conducted yourself and a way that you expected other people to conduct themselves, and that was professionally. And cursing? Saying the F word on TV? Oh my god (sorry, Dad, gosh), don't even get me started. Cursing was simply unacceptable. No wonder Jennifer got ousted, what was she thinking! As far as I'm aware, Halle took you back with no questions asked and remained your girlfriend until the end.
It turns out this post wasn't so quick afterall, but I'm keeping the title in honor of your fondness of puns and wordplay.
Love you.
Amy
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